On an otherwise quiet Tuesday in Andersonville, laughter was pouring out of Hartwell Place. Hartwell was hosting author, educator, and former actress Karen Stobbe who was leading a group of caregivers and elder care professionals through a mirroring exercise.
Karen was leading her “Yes, And…” workshop which incorporates improv to build connection in dementia care. Karen is a nationally known keynote speaker, has led hundreds of sessions across the country, and co-created a national dementia training program that has been distributed nationwide. Additionally, she’s an experienced family caregiver – her mother lived with her family for 11 years after being diagnosed with dementia.
We caught up with Karen after the workshop to get more of her thoughts on using improv to connect to those with dementia.
How does improv help us stay present and connected with someone living with dementia?
Improvising requires being open. The kind of openness you have when you are solving a puzzle or looking for your keys. What you need is out in the world somewhere or will occur to you, but you must bring yourself completely to the task. That is a particular feeling. A person living with dementia has a point of view of the present that you don’t share, but if you are open in this same way, you can find that window where you can find them. Then, if that happens, you connect like you do with anyone else, but you must step into their world.
What does “Yes, and…” mean in the context of caregiving?
No is a very powerful word. A toddler learns that word and can bring a whole family vacation to a standstill. Some people’s whole job is to say no. It is a needed skill to have or else you are giving everyone a ride to the airport and helping them move their piano. It can become a habit, and hard not to do when things are “not right”. This is where “yes, and…” helps with improv and with caregiving. Improv and dementia caregiving cannot happen without agreement. To break the no habit, you can, when surprised or confused, throw out a “yes, and…”. It helps you go with the flow. When you hear yourself start a sentence with “yes, and…” instead of “no”, then other positive ideas tend to come along.
How can curiosity change the caregiving experience?
I find we lose some of our curiosity concerning dementia. We don’t wonder why they may tell us stories from 40 years ago or how come they don’t want to take a shower anymore. We just think it’s the dementia and don’t want to know the WHY or the cause of any actions of the person. If we put a little curiosity back into our caregiving, we may find that there is a WHY behind the actions of our loved one and it will help us be more connected and understanding of the person.
What do you wish other caregivers understood about communication and dementia?
Listening is key. Really listening with your mind, body and soul. I think we stop deeply listening. We may think they won’t remember, they are just repeating, and what they say doesn’t make sense. But maybe it does.
Maybe if we truly listen and pay attention to their body language, facial expressions and their voice we can understand what they’re trying to tell us. This is true for everyone.
What is one common misconception about dementia that you’d love to gently challenge?
That the person with dementia is gone. They are different. Their way of seeing the present is different. Many people without dementia have a lot of trouble accepting change. Even more so when this change involves a person they care deeply about. We understand who we are in relationship to other people. When these people who helped define us change, it can be so challenging to us that we would rather imagine that the person we loved is gone rather than accept that they have changed. The fact of the matter is that they are not gone, and they need that connection more than ever.
Are you caring for someone with dementia? Check out Hartwell Place. It offers world-class assisted living, day program and respite care for those who need memory care.
To view Karen’s TEDMED talk, visit https://www.tedmed.com/talk/using-improv-to-improve-life-with-alzheimers/