Years ago my favorite great-aunt died. She and her husband never
had kids of their own but bestowed their love upon a dozen or so
nieces and nephews. They were a fun couple and a visit to their
house, located on a golf course, was always filled with fun and
mystery. There was a small water-hazard pond and you can imagine
how amazing it was for a kid to see a diver in full wet-suit emerge
in the middle of the pond like Loch Ness, retrieving errant golf
balls.
Not that my mother was a bad cook, but a visit to "Auntie Ree's"
always included an amazing dinner served on her finest china. To
treat our family of eight like such treasured guests has made a
lifelong impact on me. When visiting our house, my aunt was famous
for her long "good-byes." It would take her at least twenty minutes
to make the rounds hugging and kissing us, and giving her patented
slaps on the cheek. To this day, when leaving a party, someone in
my family will utter my uncle's famous, "say goodnight, Mrs.
Campbell," when trying to minimize the length of the
"good-bye".
When my great-aunt passed away, my uncle, like a lot of men in
that generation, was lost. We would still visit him, of course, but
it wasn't the same. When we noticed dishes piling up in the sink,
we would offer to help. He always told us that the maid would be
coming soon. Eventually, however, we discovered that there was no
maid.
We felt awkward and didn't want to impose. In retrospect, we
were derelict not to impose. Here are some lessons we learned:
- Keep in touch with your elderly friends and relatives.
- Remember that they are probably too proud to ask for or accept
help.
- If one of the spouses dies, be extra vigilant on behalf of the
surviving spouse.
- Watch for any signs of health troubles or housekeeping
issues.
- Watch for a significant swelling of the ankles (this happened
to my great-uncle), a sign of heart disease.
- Remember that food is love (as demonstrated by Auntie Ree);
bring over a meal, or several pre-cooked meals that can be frozen
and used later.
- Proper nutrition is important but so is a visit. Bring old
photos along to reminisce.
- The loving thing to do is to impose yourself on the situation,
in spite of protestations that no help is needed.
Bill Lowe, CMSS President (wlowe@cmsschicago.org)
Chicago Senior Living
Assisted Living
in Chicago